This Feelin

Everything
feels so right, but I been through this before so I’m scared to let the
feeling overwhelm me; every time I did, something came up to make me
hold up my yield sign put my guard up and looking in the mirror with a
stale face like I should’ve known this was going to happen. How do I
know that this time is any different? This time I have my guard up but
this feeling is making me want to put it down it feels like how its
supposed to be. Back to the old ways the good days, but I can’t, I
won’t. not this time, not anymore, I played the sucker for love too
many times and yes I’m still in it, but I consider myself playing it
safe, up until this feeling came back I was great. But this feeling,
that feeling that you get when you see him he got you all shook up,
smiling for no reason got you all wifed up. Thinking about him for
hours well minutes but it seems like hours when you want to talk to him
but you don’t call cause you don’t want to seem to pressed. Especially
when you in this mess. it’s a mess because it should be normal but you
know that too many times before this feeling was just that a feeling
and it was going to pass over because you are the only one feeling this
way…obviously. But damn does it feel so right, got you laying in the
bed wishing your pillow was him at night, holding you closely or the
wind outside blowing slowly you wishing that was his breaths as you
hear them your head on his chest. But I cant let it overwhelm me. I
been through this too many times before.
I had this feeling and it was right but only for the moment…obviousl..y,
because something always came up to let me know that I should’ve keep
my guard up, I should’ve kept a mean mug instead of giving him that
smiley face. I should’ve realized it was a pillow instead of imagining
his face, I should’ve made him do the calling therefore I wouldn’t have
gotten played cause it always happens when this feeling occurs I think
its right he’s ite but then reality churns stops and lets off the
realness. & I said I wouldn’t let it happen again, I played the
sucker before and yes I’m still here but I consider myself playing it
safe.
So
how do I know that this is any different, what if hypothetically all
the crying, screaming, walking away and returning finally meant
something and this is how it is now, and how it will be? I’ll never
know unless I put my guard down and see, but to take the chance and
see, and then to see what I have already seen will be mean. But this
feeling is so right! And its becoming stronger I’m not even trying but
it is taking over me.
I’m scared but I guess I have to let it, it’ll overcome me either way.
DAMN THIS FEELING!